well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
