Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
