I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
