Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
