If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
