FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize