Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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