we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
