he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
