omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
