Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
