Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We need to get me chipped asap
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
