I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
