literally had 100 drinks last night.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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