we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
