New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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