The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
