So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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