just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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