I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
