i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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