Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
