he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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