I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize