I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
