Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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