Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize