wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
