yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
