Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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