Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
