there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
