I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
