sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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