is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
