Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize