SEEEEXXX PLEASE
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize