I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
