ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
