i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
