god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
