I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
