He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
