I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
