Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
