i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
