Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
