I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she woke up with a sticky ear
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I AM VODKA MAN
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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