what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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