I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sorry my hands just texted you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
