barbara walters just said penis...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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