So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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