if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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