Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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