bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize