just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
