Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
