u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
