Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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