dude i'm inner monologue high
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
