Fuck appropriateness.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize