He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
