I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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