What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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