"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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