The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
